“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” – Frederick Douglass

Tonight I was watching Ray Donovan on Showtime (okay, I admit I was on a binge marathon watching all six seasons) and I came to a realization.  Life is nothing without struggle.  Struggle is beautiful.  Why do we fight against it so much and why do we have a desire to have everything be perfect all the time?

I’m not sure if you’ve seen the show and if not you might want to check it out.  What makes the show interesting (to me) is the fact that the characters are three dimensional and the stories are based on internal conflict rather than plot.   Each character has inner conflicts and each one does the best they can with what they know and who they are.

Ray struggles with doing the right thing even though his sense of right and wrong is a little demented.  Bunchy struggles with having been molested as a child and trying to overcome his past.  Terry struggles low self-esteem issues that come with being “crippled” (he has Parkinsons from boxing) and thinking he is less than.   Abby struggles with loving and hating Ray and with her own feelings of admiration and disgust and sense of purpose.  Mickey struggles with everything.

What is beautiful about the show is that is touches so many internal issues that we all face. None of us are exempt.  We may pretend that we are.  We may hide from others.  We may live in a false world that keeps us safe, but none of us is better than the other.  None of us knows the pain another human being faces.

Yes, we all want to be happy and fulfilled and otherworldly.  But, the fact of the matter is that most of us are flawed and complex and difficult and struggling to do the best that we can.

I also came to realize that it is THIS…the very struggle that makes us and makes life beautiful.

What Is Life?

Every day we wake up and every day we face life.  What does this mean?  Does this mean we have to do what we are told or believe what others say we should be or does it mean something else?

Does it mean we are predestined to succeed or fail?  I used to believe this.  I would actually say to myself, “what did I do in a former life to deserve this?”  I thought I was on a predestined karmic path that I had no control over.

But, then something amazing happened.   I came to a crossroads.  I realized my path wasn’t my destiny.  I wasn’t forced to live this life. I finally realized one of my struggles was the false beliefs I had about myself and my life.

I finally realized I could change my karma. I could change my beliefs.  I could change my life. I’m not saying it is easy or was easy or will be easy, but even coming to the realization changes everything.

While I was trying to change my path there were many days I cried, like a lot. There were many days I thought everything was pointless. There were many days I wanted nothing other than for everything to end.  I didn’t see my way through, but I kept on going.

It wasn’t that I wanted to kill myself, but I felt a subtle undercurrent of dissatisfaction that permeated my life and my beliefs. I knew that something needed to change and fast.

Do you believe that you can change?  Do you believe that you are stuck and nothing can ever or will ever be better?  I know this feeling.   I have been there.

The only thing you can do is find what means something to you.  For me, it was writing.  Saying what I feel and how I feel and wanting others to know they were not alone gave me a purpose and a sense of direction.  No longer was my destiny being decided by outside forces.  No longer was I a leaf just blowing around in the wind.

Do not ever, not for one minute, believe nothing will ever change or that you are stuck in this life or that you have no control over your karma.  What is beautiful about this life is that we are ALL struggling and that this is the human condition.

What is beautiful about life is the very struggles we face and the fact that we have the ability to overcome them.   No matter how hard things may seem today it won’t last.  Put one foot in front of the other, accept your struggle, face your fears and move forward even just a little while.